sad

failure

I've been doing okay in class.  I think I'm going to buy a computer.  Jared doensn't like apples, but I do, but he says he will help me shop for one.  I will also be going to Egypt.  This is a good but kind of scary thing.  I will get to see the pyramids.  It's weird, the prayers and desires that God does and does not answer.  I hadn't even dared pray for this.  I worked hard, but I didn't really expect to be able to go because the space on the trips is very limited.  There are other things that are more important to me, one thing in particular.  Sometimes I wonder if God is doing this and telling me that I need to stop being so self-focused and afraid.

This guy I'm with.  Other than being thick-skulled and extremely stubborn and still kind of young, is one of the quality people that one rarely meets in life.  Most people would call me stupid for saying that the relationship is a dead-end one because he is not a Christian.  Even he says it.  People who aren't Christians can't understand, though, not very well.  It's weird and uncomfortable to believe something very firmly and not have another person have the same reliance.  He's not the type to 'become' a Christian either, just to get to me. But I'm scared that when he leaves and we become friends with a past, that I won't run into anyone else whom I can respect as much and be attracted to and who is a driven and perfectionist as I am.  I have very little faith.  Of course, most people would just ridicule me if I said stuff like this.  It seems ridiculous, actually without a religious background.

I'm going to go 'exercise'  yuck.  I hate flight physical conditioning.

I'm sitting in class waiting to take our first important test.  I've been studying Arabic for about four months.  It's difficult.  I  can carry on a limited conversation, but not that much more.  I can't wait until I can talk without having to search for words and stutter.

I found myself a guy.  Problem is, he's a cripple.  But only right now.  He crashed his bike and should be dead.  They flew him--airlifted him by helicopter--to San Jose, about 70 miles away.  Broke his right femur, snapped his right PCL and tore his left quad. He'll be okay eventually but right now he mostly hobbles around on crutches.  My room mate said that it was mean to say he is a cripple.  In his defense, he had the sixth highest score of his detachment in their physical fitness test and in a half marathon finished third in his age group.  But now he's all skinny

So one would think that weather in California would be nicer.  Nope.  Same as at Covenant.  Fog everywhere, and rain.  I'm depressed here as well.  aaaaaaand to cap it all off, the ocean is cold, freezing.  I wouldn't be suprised to see an iceberg float into the bay one day.

I don't know if it is because the military life that I live is similar to the college and work life that I had, or if I just adapted to it, but I don't mind it at all.  I get up, eat breakfast, go to class, go to physical conditioning, study.  That's pretty much it.  In fact, I think it's a little bit easier than college.  No work-study and no two-hour long volleyball practices and no weekend games.  And only one topic of learning, not four or five different classes.  Of course, there are annoying things like curfew and annoying people from other (ahem, marine) military branches but that's easily avoidable.

I'm working on my first test today and tomorrow.  Learning another language is difficult.  Sometimes I can't think of anything in any language and I feel like a baby trying to talk.  I got sick again, coming back to the States.  Barfed last night.  It was gross.  I was embarassed.

I feel really fat because I haven't done anything exercising in a long time, but I don't feel very well.....  I've turned into a big fat whiner.

Christmas was good, a rather short vacation.  I didn't get to see one of my best friends, but the rest of the time I spent with my family and people around the house.  I drove for the first time in CR.  My mother's little VW bug.  It was scary.  Driving my car now I feel like I'm driving heaven.  ooooh, I also went to the beach for three days.  Over the New Years.  That was fun.  I worked on getting skin cancer some more....